


come, as you are, as you were, as i want you to be

by endofdaysforme



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, oooh bitch we going into farm storyline territory by the looks of it, so here have this heartbreaking little diddy!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 03:57:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18229586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endofdaysforme/pseuds/endofdaysforme
Summary: “jason?”“yeah...he had plans to take polly to the farm before he was…” cheryl trails off, pursing her lips and blinking rapidly, and toni reaches down to take cheryl’s hand into her own, lifting it to press a kiss to her knuckles as she does.“betty said it’d be a good chance to find out why jason wanted to go there.” cheryl croaks out, and toni feels nothing but white hot anger strike her.“of course she did…god, that girl will do anything to get what she wants, it’s ridiculous-.”“i said i’d do it.”--aka cheryl and toni both drink the purple kool-aid.--aka, we all saw that 3x17 leaked and we're all freaking out about our baby cheryl, so i decided to make it worse with this little fic, enjoy!





	come, as you are, as you were, as i want you to be

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT KILL ME.
> 
> I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS CAME FROM. PROBABLY FROM ME BEING SAD THAT CHERYL IS IN DEEP DOO DOO AND TONI ISN'T THERE TO HELP HER IN THIS WEEK'S EPISODE FFS.
> 
> Anyway, you can scream at me in the comments or on twitter at @endofdaysforme.
> 
> fic title from “Come As You Are” by Nirvana

**cheryl <3 [00:21]**  
_are you coming over tonight, t.t?_

 

toni pauses with her hand over the blanket beside her at the sight of the message, a smile instantly lighting up her face as she drops it back over the couch and grabs her phone from the arm rest beside it.

 

**you [00:21]**  
_if you want, babe. remember, it’s up to you._

 

it’s been a few weeks now since toni topaz and cheryl blossom began to take the steps towards healing the cracks that broke their relationship. after weeks of silence, of constant bickering and unsaid things hanging in the air, after breaking up and moving out of thistlehouse, after suffering through cheryl’s hbic attitude causing her nothing but anguish during the entire goddamn production of the musical…

 

toni had put her foot down.

 

so yes, they spent _hours_ talking a few days before the musical in cheryl’s room, about anything and _everything_ , and yes…they were now back together.

 

but the cracks are still there. and toni refuses to move things too fast again like they did last time. 

 

she hasn’t exactly told cheryl yet that she’s seeking refuge in the speakeasy, that work and home have become synonymous to her, because she knows cheryl will tell her to just move back into thistlehouse, to give herself a stable roof over her head once more.

 

and as tempting as it is, as much as it’s all toni could ever want…she doesn’t want _that._

 

not after all the issues it caused them in their relationship the first time. god, toni would rather sleep on a thousand lumpy leather couches than risk their relationship again by moving back in so quickly. they need to do this properly this time.

 

so, they’re giving each other the necessary space they both need. and truthfully? it’s been _amazing._

 

the communication is beyond anything they’ve had since even before they started dating. and as much as toni knows she loves cheryl, she’s never truthfully _embraced_ it until now. because now she’s beginning to understand the ins and outs of one miss cheryl blossom a lot more now. and the more she discovers, the more she realizes just how much that red haired beauty has captured her heart. 

 

their relationship before was…infatuation. it was puppy love, but now? now it’s formed into this thing that toni’s never had before, and as terrifying as it is, it’s also so goddamn beautiful and exciting that toni finds herself walking towards the entrance of the speakeasy before cheryl’s reply even comes through.

 

**cheryl <3 [00:23]**  
_yes, please. i miss you. today was a long day…_

 

toni pauses with the keys to the speakeasy hanging over the door, a frown instantly etching onto her face before she types out a quick reply to let cheryl know she’s on her way. 

 

it’s been a long day for her, too…a really fucking _long_ day.

 

as much as giving each other space is definitely needed, toni has to admit…she misses cuddling up with cheryl in her bed at thistlehouse almost every day. so the days where cheryl asks her to come over are kind of slowly becoming the days she lives for.

 

she arrives in less than ten minutes, almost skidding to a halt in the driveway and sending gravel flying everywhere before she takes off her helmet and turns the engine off.

 

she’s barely even taken the keys to thistlehouse, newly returned to her by cheryl just last week, out of her pocket before the door is opening-

 

and cheryl blossom stands in the doorway, smile wide and eyes soft as she extends her hand out for toni to take, which she does.

 

the second tanned fingers meet pale ones, toni finds her tense shoulders relaxing and her whole body submitting to exhaustion as she sighs and lets cheryl tug her in close for a hug, toni’s face immediately burying into an alabaster neck as cheryl throws her arms around her with a sigh of her own.

 

“hi…” toni breathes out with fatigue, smiling and pressing a kiss to neck before she traps cheryl into her hold by wrapping her arms around her waist. cheryl simply chuckles into her hair and presses a kiss to her temple, pulling back slightly to tuck a finger under her chin to lift her gaze.

 

curse their height difference…

 

“hi. you sound drained, t.t.” cheryl murmurs, a frown taking over her beautiful features, and toni doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t do what she used to do…simply shrug and tell cheryl she’s fine despite the fact that she was feeling anything but…

 

“i’m pretty exhausted, yeah…but you said you had a long day, so you talk first and then we can focus on me, okay?” toni says softly, smiling as cheryl gazes down at her with nothing but adoration before she smiles and leans in to press a kiss to her brow.

 

“okay. come then, t.t. a nice, warm bed awaits you.”

 

toni bites back a groan of appreciation at the sound of that.

 

as soon as they’re settled in cheryl’s room, toni with her boots now off and her pretty poisons jacket resting on the dresser, she collapses down onto cheryl’s bed with a heavy sigh, cracks an eye open with a grin when she hears cheryl chuckle before the girl slowly crawls onto the bed and settles down beside her.

 

“are you sure you don’t want pajamas?” cheryl croaks out. toni gazes down at her mesh shirt sheepishly, and cheryl simply rolls her eyes before she hops off the bed once more to rummage through the dresser while toni unbuttons her jeans and kicks them off, reaching for the hem of her shirt to lift it up off her shoulders.

 

it’s barely hit the floor before something soft hits her face and just…stays there, and she pauses and slowly turns to where she last saw cheryl, hears her giggle loudly before she reaches up to pull down the shirt stuck to her head with a huff.

 

“mean.” she grumbles, grinning nonetheless as she slides the shirt on and settles back down onto the bed with a sigh. she doesn’t make a move to go under the blankets, the heat a little too cloying for that, and cheryl doesn’t either, simply turns onto her side to face toni, who does the same and moves just a little closer with a smile.

 

“what happened to make today a long day, babe?” toni asks gently, goosebumps exploding up her spine when cheryl reaches down to fiddle with the hem of her shirt, her fingers ghosting over her bare thighs to do so before she meets toni’s eyes with only a second of hesitancy.

 

“cousin betty came to me with a proposition.” cheryl says simply.

 

toni frowns, but says nothing else, simply waits for cheryl to continue, which she does a moment later.

 

“she’s been investigating those farmies for months now, and she’s become obsessed with finding out why her mother and sister have gone full _martha, marcy, may, marlene_ on her. she believes they’re a cult, but she has no proof. she…she asked for my help.” cheryl says, her voice just a little more quiet now as she looks up at toni with an expression the pink haired girl can’t read.

 

so instead, she simply asks.

 

“and what did you say?” 

 

“no, at first. but…then she brought up jason.” toni frowns at that, not exactly making the connection before cheryl lets out a shaky breath, the smell of mint toothpaste hitting toni’s senses and causing her to suppress a smile.

 

“jason?”

 

“yeah...he had plans to take polly to the farm before he was…” cheryl trails off, pursing her lips and blinking rapidly, and toni reaches down to take cheryl’s hand into her own, lifting it to press a kiss to her knuckles as she does.

 

“betty said it’d be a good chance to find out why jason wanted to go there.” cheryl croaks out, and toni feels nothing but white hot anger strike her.

 

“of course she did…god, that girl will do anything to get what she wants, it’s ridiculous-.”

 

“i said i’d do it.” 

 

toni’s fingers seem to subconsciously squeeze around cheryl’s, her heart beginning to race as she purses her lips and looks at cheryl in silence for a few moments.

 

the red haired girl says nothing, and it’s almost like they’re reading each other’s minds, this silent war raging behind brown eyes as toni tries to understand the perspective begin given to her.

 

jason…it always circles back to jason…

 

_“thornhill was a den of shadows…and jay jay was my only light. and…he died. and it was dark again.”_

 

maybe this is the closure cheryl needs…finding out why her brother wanted to leave town, why he wanted to join these people, what they offered him that she herself could not…

 

“do you want my help?” is all toni says.

 

and the smile that comes over cheryl’s face is _breathtaking._

 

she leans in close, her lips immediately seeking comfort in toni’s as she kisses the corner of her mouth soundly, her hand smoothing over the caramel skin of her bare thighs before she pulls back and nuzzles her nose against toni’s affectionately.

 

“as much as i would appreciate it, t.t…i think this is something i have to do alone. evelyn evernever’s been eyeing me ever since the musical, she’ll probably get suspicious if both of us suddenly want to join…” cheryl’s eyes glaze over for a moment, and toni sighs before she leans in to press a quick kiss to the tip of cheryl’s nose.

 

“just be careful, cher. if anything happens to you, i’ll rip betty cooper in half.” toni grumbles, and cheryl laughs before she tucks a lock of pink hair behind toni’s ear affectionately.

 

“i’ll be safe, t.t. don’t worry. i have a plan in motion. now…tell me why you’re upset, t.t?”

 

“oh…nothing, cheryl, it’s-.”

 

“toni.” cheryl says firmly, her hand gripping toni’s elbow and giving it a gentle squeeze in reprimand that has toni closing her eyes and exhaling shakily before she nods slowly.

 

right…communication, the stuff they need to work on…

 

“sorry…force of habit. i’m not so much upset, cher, it’s just…it was the anniversary of mom and dad’s death today.” toni finishes somewhat lamely, dropping her gaze down to avoid looking into cheryl’s eyes, but it’s useless, because the red haired girl tucks a finger under toni’s chin to lift her gaze, the look in her eyes filled with shock and sadness.

 

“oh god…toni, why didn’t you tell me?” she breathes, tears immediately welling in her eyes as toni sniffs and blinks back her own.

 

“because i didn’t want you to worry…it’s been so many years, cheryl, it’s dumb for me to keep getting upset about it-.”

 

“toni…they were your parents, of _course_ you’re still going to be upset about it. i’m so sorry, t.t…” cheryl croaks out, her tears spilling over and causing toni’s heart to ache even more as she shakes her head and simply inches forward a little closer to cheryl until their foreheads are almost touching.

 

“s’okay…s’not your fault.” she mumbles, smiling when cheryl reaches a hand up to brush away the stray tear that falls from the corner of her eye with her thumb. 

 

her parents died when she was so young…toni only had seven years with them, and as much as it hurts to know they’re gone, it’s been almost ten years.

 

she’s acknowledged the pain and moved on from it. there’s no point getting upset anymore-

 

“come here, t.t…” cheryl whispers, tugging her closer and wrapping her arms around her pink haired girlfriend, and toni simply melts into her touch with a shaky sigh, presses a kiss to her throat and lets their legs entangle over the blankets, her eyes fluttering closed as she wills herself not to think about her dead parents, and to simply relish in the feeling of cheryl’s body against her own.

 

they’re okay…they’re okay now. everything will be okay…

 

\-------

 

“toni?”

 

the pink haired girl looks up at the sound of her name, comes face to face with evelyn evernever, of all people, and smiles before she shuts her locker and simply nods once at her.

 

“hey, what’s up?” 

 

evelyn chews on her bottom lip before she reaches out to grip toni’s shoulder.

 

“i just wanted to say that…i’m so sorry about you and cheryl. we’re more than happy to help her move on from this, but if you need help as well, the invitation extends to you, too.” evelyn says simply, smile wide and eyes filled with something so goddamn unnerving, toni finds herself simply staring at her blankly, and before she can process what evelyn’s even talking about, the girl walks off, only turning back to give toni a small wave while the gang leader watches her go in shock.

 

wait…move on from what? what does she mean, she’s sorry about her and cheryl?

 

the bell rings loudly above her, and toni curses under her breath before she begins making her way to class, but not before she sees a flash of red hair down the hallway entering the girls bathroom.

 

she forgets all about the warning bell and runs straight towards the door, throwing it open and entering to see cheryl fiddling with the spider brooch on her cardigan with a frown.

 

“uh…wanna explain to me why evelyn just told me she’s sorry about ‘us’?” toni asks, cocking an eyebrow and watching as cheryl looks up at her in the mirror in surprise before she simply grins and turns to face her girlfriend with a shrug.

 

“i needed a way to get in, so i put on my best performance and pretended that we broke up again for good so evelyn could invite me to the farm…which she did!” cheryl says cheerily, turning back to the mirror to fix her hair while toni crosses her arms over her chest and stares at her with amusement.

 

“really? she’s gonna think we’re broken up again now, the whole school is!”

 

“then we’ll fake make up right now if you want. i can never say no to a nice grope session with my _paramour_ in a public place.” cheryl purrs, turning to grin at her once more, and toni simply rolls her eyes, but makes her way towards cheryl regardless, her arms enveloping the red head before she’s pushing her back against the sink and attaching her lips to ruby red ones in a gentle kiss that quickly turns heated. cheryl pulls away from her only to jump up onto the sink to sit on it before she’s kissing her fiercely once more.

 

“mmm…maybe i should pretend to break up with you more if it results in this…” cheryl murmurs against her lips, and toni pulls back to fix her with a haunting glare that has her chuckling before she wraps her legs around toni’s waist to pull her as close as possible. 

 

“i’m simply jesting, t.t.-.”

 

“well, don’t jest. i’m still worried about this whole idea…evelyn creeps me out, i can’t explain it.” toni sighs, keeps her arms wrapped around cheryl, but moving her lips over to press a tender kiss to her cheek before she pulls back to look at her with a sigh. 

 

“she does have quite a troubling aura about her…but betty and i are being extra careful, i promise. i’ll be heading there after school to meet with evelyn, and betty will be listening in the whole time.” toni cocks an eyebrow at that, and cheryl grins and nods down at the spider brooch, prompting toni to laugh loudly before she steals another kiss from her girlfriend and taps her nose with her index finger.

 

“just be vigilant. if you want, i can come over tonight and we can talk about what happened?”

 

“mmm, yes please.” 

 

second night in a row…maybe they really are making progress here.

 

they’re okay…everything’s going to be okay. 

 

\---------

 

“and then we spoke about jason for a bit, and t.t…i’ve _never_ had anyone listen to me like that before apart from you. it was so…refreshing!”

 

cheryl collapses back down onto her bed with this almost dazed out smile, and toni simply watches with a frown, but says nothing else, simply takes cheryl’s hand into her own and begins playing with her fingers like she knows cheryl likes her to do.

 

the red haired girl hums happily before she looks up at toni with the same smile.

 

“i know i’m working incognito for cousin betty, and that this whole farm thing is straight out of a stephen king novel, but…it was nice, having someone else other than you to talk to, toni.” cheryl breathes out, and when toni simply raises an eyebrow at her with a smirk of amusement, cheryl’s eyes widen before she jumps up with a quick shake of her head.

 

“not that talking to you isn’t amazing! you’re… _perfection_ , t.t. granted, we’ve had our bumps in the road in the past, but since then, you’ve done nothing but listen, and i’ve tried my best to do the same-.”

 

“cheryl, it’s okay. i get it. it’s nice to have someone else to talk to other than your partner. i just want you to be careful, the whole concept of the farm is a little creepy, i mean…you saw how they all clapped for us after the musical, it was weird.” toni says, fighting back the shiver that runs up her spine at the thought as cheryl frowns and simply nods slowly.

 

“i know…i’ll stay focused, toni, i promise. it was just…nice. to talk about jason and not receive any judgement back like i usually do when i try to talk about him to someone other than you.” she murmurs, her gaze dropping down to their intertwined fingers, and toni simply tucks a finger under her chin to lift her head up before she kisses her softly, hands cradling her face as she smiles while cheryl simply melts into her touch.

 

“i love you.” toni whispers. and cheryl smiles and kisses her once more with a nod against her forehead.

 

“and i love you.”

 

they’re okay…toni knows that, she does, everything’s going to be okay…

 

\---------------

 

“toni!”

 

once again, her name is said in the hallways of riverdale high, but this time it’s shouted out from almost three classrooms down, the girl spinning on her heel to see betty cooper rushing towards her in a panic, eyes wide and filled with tears-

 

_cheryl._

 

before toni can even ask what’s happened to her girlfriend, the panic gripping her tightly and refusing to let go, betty takes her hand and drags her into the blue and gold newspaper office, slamming the door shut behind her and turning to face toni with a breathless frown.

 

“were you with cheryl last night?” she asks, running her fingers through her hair as she begins pacing up and down. toni crosses her arms over her chest and simply shakes her head.

 

“no, i wasn’t. i was working and i finished late, and cheryl didn’t text me asking me to stay the night. we’re taking things slow this time around. why, what happened? she was fine this morning and during lunch.” toni says firmly, thinking back to the soft kisses and happy smiles cheryl had given her this morning, and betty swallows thickly before she begins twisting her fingers together nervously.

 

“i…cheryl and i have been investigating the farm-.”

 

“i know you have. she told me. what happened, betty?” toni reiterates, about ready to storm out of this damn office and track her girlfriend down herself if betty doesn’t start giving her some fucking answers-

 

“i don’t know what happened! one minute she was fine with doing this and the next she’s going on about how it’s illegal! i…toni, i was listening in to edgar and cheryl’s conversation yesterday, he took her to some room, but then the signal cut out, and i have no idea what was in that room, but whatever it was, it changed cheryl completely and i don’t know why. i told her not to go anymore, that the investigation is over, but she said she wants to keep going-.” 

 

“stop.” toni raises a hand to silence her, and betty whimpers before she looks at toni in despair, watching as the pink haired girl mulls over betty’s words with her mind spinning and her heart clenching.

 

cheryl had been so happy the other day though…talking about how edgar had listened to her…

 

“i’ll talk to her. but betty…maybe these farm people can actually help her move on from jason’s death. did you ever think that maybe you’re so hellbent on seeing everything as a potential threat that sometimes, you go a bit too far with it?” 

 

betty looks at her in disbelief before she shakes her head furiously and steps closer to her.

 

“toni, no! you don’t understand, these people…what they’ve done to my family…i won’t let that happen to cheryl, too-.”

 

“then maybe you shouldn’t have put her in this position in the first place.” toni hisses, glaring at her angrily and watching with a hint of smugness at the way betty flinches before toni hauls her bag over her shoulder and shakes her head.

 

“like i said, i’ll talk to her.” and with that, toni walks out, the worry on her face only increasing with each step she takes as betty’s words continue to bounce around in her mind.

 

but it’s okay. because they’re okay. because everything…everything is going to be okay…

 

\-------

 

“i saw him, t.t.” 

 

cheryl’s eyes are distant, unlike anything toni has ever seen before…even worse than the nights following her rescue from the sisters of quiet mercy, that life inside her slowly returning with each passing day that toni held her and kissed her and promised her that the things they told her were false…

 

she wasn’t disgusting. she wasn’t horrible, or deviant, or a bad person for loving who she loved…

 

this is worse.

 

she looks like she’s almost replaying a fantasy in her mind over and over and over again, a fantasy that she has no plans on leaving, the smile on her face just as wide and almost sinister looking as toni takes her hands and presses a kiss to her knuckles, trying desperately to bring her back-

 

“saw who, cher?” she croaks out, watching as cheryl finally fixes her gaze away from the window in her room and settles her eyes on toni opposite her, and when she speaks, toni feels her heart sink down to somewhere beneath the mattress they’re sitting on.

 

“jason. i saw jason, toni. he was right there…in the flesh. and i could touch him, and hug him, and… _god_ , he was _there_ , t.t. i don’t know how, and i can’t explain it, but he was there…” cheryl’s eyes flutter closed, that smile quivering as she exhales shakily, and toni feels her mind well and truly turn to complete and utter mush.

 

“cheryl…jason is-.”

 

“dead. i know he is, t.t. i’m not crazy or…deluding myself into believing he’s alive again…but he was there. i don’t know how or why, but…he was there.” 

 

cheryl grips toni’s hand, squeezes it tightly, still muttering ‘he was there’ under her breath, and toni’s completely helpless to do or say anything, even though if she could, she has no idea what even think right now.

 

_“jason. i saw jason, toni. he was right there…in the flesh.”_

 

she knows her girlfriend isn’t crazy…she knows that…everything’s okay, they’ll be okay, they _have to be okay…_

 

\---------------

 

**you [16:34]**  
_hey babe, i’ve got the night off if you want me to come to thistlehouse and hang?_

 

**you [17:21]**  
_cher? you there, babe?_

 

**you [19:45]**  
_cheryl, you’re worrying me, where are you?_

 

toni stares down at the time, sees it’s now almost nine at night and her messages are still unread, and finds herself blinking rapidly as tears prick at her eyes, her fingers clutching her phone tightly while she sits at the bar and continues to wait to hear from her girlfriend.

 

cheryl had messaged her this morning telling her she was going to the farm, and toni had told her to be careful, but now she’s wondering if she should’ve just told cheryl not to fucking go altogether.

 

but cheryl’s been so fucking _happy_ these last few days…toni doesn’t want to take that from her. and it’s not like cheryl really believes jason is alive again, she knows that whatever’s going on isn’t real, but that just makes toni worry even more.

 

what if they were fucking with cheryl’s mind? what if they were giving her drugs, or something to make her see jason when he wasn’t really there? oh god, what did she do, she should’ve stopped cheryl from going back there-

 

her phone buzzes, and the velocity with which she lifts it to eye level and unlocks it is so fast, she’s surprised she doesn’t rip a hole in the space/time continuum.

 

**cheryl <3 [20:55]**  
_i just got home, t.t i’m sorry. you’re welcome to come over if you wish. xx_

 

toni’s jumping out of her stool and running straight for the entrance before she can even think of a response.

 

she jumps off her bike as soon as she’s in the driveway, makes her way straight to the door and shoves her key inside before she runs up the stairs calling her girlfriend’s name, and she’s just at cheryl’s bedroom door when it opens and the girl herself is standing there, looking at toni in complete and utter surprise.

 

“toni? what-.”

 

toni throws her arms around her, hugs her close and blinks back her tears as cheryl rubs her back comfortingly with a soft coo.

 

“toni, what’s wrong?” 

 

“d-don’t do that to me, i’ve been worried for hours-.”

 

“oh! oh, god, i’m sorry, t.t. my phone died while i was at the farm, i only just got it into the charger, i didn’t meant to cause you worry.” cheryl pulls away, grips toni’s face into her hands and presses a quick kiss to her lips with a smile, and toni simply stands there in shock and watches as cheryl makes her way around the room as if nothing’s happened.

 

as if everything’s okay.

 

“cheryl…you’ve been spending almost every day there, i know this…this whole ‘seeing jason’ thing is helping, but maybe you should think about taking a break-.”

 

“why would i do that?” cheryl says sharply and suddenly, sitting down at the vanity and reaching for her lotion as toni makes her way over to the bed to sit down on it.

 

“because, cheryl, it’s…god, i don’t even know what it is, but i know it’s not healthy! babe…i don’t want to have to say this, and it hurts me to say it, but jason…he’s gone, cher-.”

 

“i know that, toni! i told you, i’m not lulling myself into a false sense of believing he’s still alive!” cheryl barks out, slamming her hand down onto the pump of the lotion a little too harshly and causing it to squirt everywhere instead of in her hand.

 

“but cheryl, if you keep going there every day to see him, it’s like he’s alive again, don’t you get that? it’s not okay-.”

 

“you don’t understand…god, edgar was right…” cheryl mumbles, her eyes closing as she lets out a tired sigh, and toni feels her blood run cold as she looks up at cheryl in disbelief.

 

“right about what?” she asks firmly, but cheryl simply swallows thickly and finally turns to face toni with a small smile lighting up her face, her hand reaching out to grip toni’s tightly.

 

“toni…what if you come to the farm with me one day? what if i show you what they can do? toni, they…they could do so much for you, they…” cheryl trails off, and toni stares at her in confusion before cheryl licks her lips and finally says what’s on her mind.

 

“they could help you see your parents again, too.” 

 

the ice cold feeling that spreads throughout her entire body is quickly followed by nothing but white hot anger, and toni finds herself wrenching her hand out of cheryl’s grasp with only one little word escaping her in a choked out whine.

 

“no.”

 

toni jumps up from the bed, already reaching for her bag as cheryl blanches before she stands up from the vanity as well and reaches out to grab toni’s hand to stop her.

 

“wait, toni! maybe if you see what i see, maybe if you _experience_ it, you’ll understand-.”

 

“i said no, cheryl!” toni shouts, and before cheryl can do anything else, toni’s rushing out of her room and making her way back out of thistlehouse, fresh tears that she quickly wipes away falling down her cheeks as she does.

 

oh…

 

they’re…they’re not okay. they’re really…really not okay.

 

_you should’ve stopped her…_

 

\---------------

 

it’s a goddamn effort not to punch betty cooper in the face next time toni sees her at pop’s diner.

 

but she does walk over and raise her fist, only for jughead to jump up and immediately push her back gently with a look of surprise.

 

“toni, what the hell-.”

 

“she drank the fucking purple kool-aid, cooper! this is ALL your fault!” toni screams, shoving jughead back and slamming her fist down onto the table right in front of betty, watching with satisfaction as the blonde girl flinches before she looks up at toni with wide eyes filled with terror. 

 

“i d-didn’t mean for this to happen!”

 

“no, of course you didn’t! because you never think of the consequences of your actions, you just DO whatever the hell benefits you!” toni growls, shoving jughead back when she tries to grab her once more.

 

“toni-.”

 

“touch me again and that beanie on your head is gonna get shoved so far up your ass you’ll be coughing lint for a week!” toni hisses, glaring at him and pointing a finger, watching as he sinks down into his seat with his hands raised in surrender until she points that finger at his girlfriend. 

 

“she was vulnerable, and you know jason’s her weak spot, you know she misses him every single day, but you took advantage of it-.” she slams her hand down onto the table for emphasis.

 

“like always! so you do me a fucking favor! you stay the hell away from cheryl! i don’t care if she’s your cousin, you ever come to her for a favor again, betty cooper, and you’ll be tasting blood in your mouth for the rest of your life as a result of my foot kicking your ass, do you hear me?”

 

betty, shoulders tensed up high to her goddamn ears, nods furiously as toni huffs and flips her hair over her shoulder before she turns and makes her way out of the diner without another word, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over as her phone buzzes and she glances down at it with slightly blurred vision.

 

**cheryl <3 [15:13]**  
_we need to talk._

 

oh god…oh god, this isn’t good, this isn’t good at all, they’re not okay, how…how is toni supposed to fix this? she can’t tell cheryl not to go to the farm anymore, she can’t just ban her from going, but this is dangerous, whatever they’re doing to cheryl…what if it’s hurting her? and what about the emotional toll this is taking on her, seeing her dead twin brother every day, thinking he’s alive?

 

god, she’s looked so happy this last week, toni doesn’t want to take that from her…

 

what do they need to talk about? what…what is cheryl going to say, god, toni’s heart is clenching so hard right now…

 

they’re not okay.

 

they’re really not okay.

 

\-------------

 

ten minutes. ten minutes she’s been standing here, and yet…

 

“cheryl…”

 

the way toni’s heart is pounding right now, she’s surprised she hasn’t had a heart attack yet. she’s just standing there, unable to move or breathe or think or feel as cheryl faces away from her, back turned to her girlfriend and tense as she sobs quietly and sniffles once, and toni has no idea what the fuck is going on, but she knows it’s nothing good-

 

“cheryl…talk to me, what’s going on?”

 

her girlfriend still doesn’t turn to face her, and toni decides she’s had enough.

 

she moves around to the side of the vanity, falls down to her knees and grips the chair, turning it with a grunt until cheryl’s facing her, and her girlfriend sobs loudly, tear marks tracking down her cheeks before she looks up at toni in anguish.

 

“w-we have to b-break up.” 

 

toni feels any ounce of happiness drain out of her. any ounce of emotion in general just…fall, like the bottom of a water bottle being cut off as the liquid just rushes out of it until there’s nothing left.

 

they…they _have_ to break up this time, not a ‘we should take a break’ or a ‘maybe we should break up’, it’s…it’s a _have_ , they _have_ to break up-

 

“i…t-toni, you d-don’t understand wh-what’s happening and i t-tried to g-get you to come and j-join, but you w-wouldn’t, and ed-edgar said th-that people who don’t understand will only-.”

 

“stop. just…stop.” toni croaks out. cheryl whimpers, but closes her mouth and simply watches toni, chin wobbling and tears falling down her cheeks until toni brushes them away with the back of her hand with a shaky sigh.

 

she comes to the conclusion surprisingly quickly.

 

because she’s lived her life without cheryl. they’ve done this before.

 

she’s not going through it again. no way, no fucking way, the pain…the fucking _pain_ of their break up, of losing cheryl, of feeling alone, she’s not going through that again and she’s not putting cheryl through it, either-

 

“he wants me to join? _you_ want me to join?” toni whispers, tucking a lock of red hair behind cheryl’s ear and watching as the girl sniffles before she nods furiously.

 

and with a smile and tanned fingers interlaced with alabaster ones, toni topaz comes to a heartbreaking realization.

 

that she’s willing to give up her fucking _life_ for cheryl blossom.

 

because she’ll do whatever it takes for them to be okay again. 

 

“then i’ll join. i’ll join, baby, you just tell me what to do, and i’ll do it.” toni says softly, and god, the look of shock in cheryl’s eyes before she’s crying loudly and pulling toni into her arms, hugging her close and whispering ‘thank you’ over and over again while she presses kisses to her neck…

 

“you’ll see! you’ll s-see, toni, it’s…it’s _beautiful._ the most beautiful thing in the world.” cheryl breathes, pulling back and looking into her eyes, and toni can’t help but disagree.

 

“ _you’re_ the most beautiful thing in the world, cher. i’ll…i’ll do anything for you. and i can’t lose you again, so you don’t get to tell me that we have to break up, because whatever i need to do to stop that, i will. _i love you_ , cheryl blossom.” toni says firmly, watching as cheryl’s eyes light up with a happiness toni’s never seen before as she grips toni’s face into her hands and kisses her deeply, passionately, lips moving against her own as toni wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her close with a soft moan.

 

“i love you, toni topaz. i…i kn-know it’s scary, but i’ll be with you every step of the w-way, okay? i’ll be there beside you when you see your parents, and then you’ll understand…you’ll understand, you’ll see…” cheryl breathes out with excitement, the look in her eyes almost manic, but toni doesn’t acknowledge it.

 

she smiles and grips cheryl’s hands and lets her lead them out to her car in the driveway, the top down and the both of them laughing with their hands still intertwined as the wind blows in their air.

 

and it doesn’t matter that they’re heading to the farm, that toni’s seconds away from god knows what, all that matters is that they’re okay. 

 

they’re okay.

 

that’s…that’s all that matters.

 

\--------------

 

toni wishes she could meet jason.

 

toni wishes cheryl could meet her parents.

 

she asks edgar, begs him, really, to try and make it work, and edgar wraps his arms around her and presses a kiss to her hair and tells her he wishes it could work that way, but it doesn’t.

 

and in his arms, she finds a solace she didn’t expect.

 

it’s peaceful. it’s quiet.

 

cheryl takes toni’s hand on the fourth day there and leads her into the room, and toni watches her drink from the chalice before her eyes grow hazy and she sinks back into the couch with this blissful smile, her gaze moving to the chair beside toni, who feels a shiver run up her spine as cheryl holds her hand out and closes it around thin air.

 

“jay jay…he’s here, toni. jay jay, this is toni…my girlfriend.” she breathes, eyes glassy, but filled with so much love as toni watches her in awe and desperation, wishing she could see her twin brother right now-

 

she giggles, and toni feels nothing but elation flood her at the sound.

 

“he says you’re beautiful, t.t.” she whispers.

 

and it’s in that moment, with cheryl’s eyes flitting back and forth between the two people in her life she loves, toni well and truly lets it take over.

 

she’ll stay here forever if she has to.

 

as long as she gets to keep seeing that look in cheryl’s eyes.

 

\------------

 

she’s crying again.

 

it’s not uncommon.

 

toni always cries when she drinks from the chalice and sees her mother and father pop up beside her seconds after the cool liquid has gone down her throat.

 

she sinks into the chair with her mind spinning and her tears falling, and cheryl holds her hand and kisses the back of it over and over, the both of them wrapped up in this addiction to the point now where toni doesn’t know how many days have passed or how many weeks or years or decades.

 

it all centers into when they’re in this room and when they’re not.

 

when cheryl sees jason, when toni sees her parents, and when they don’t.

 

she sees her father smile sadly, feels her mother grip her other hand, and her eyes roll into the back of her head at the way her mind is buzzing before she giggles and looks to cheryl, sees her resting her cheek against the back of toni’s hand with this look in her eyes that only makes toni love her harder.

 

“i’m gonna marry her, mom. i hope that’s okay with you.” toni slurs, her head lolling to the side to see her mother smiling with tears in her eyes before she nods slowly.

 

it’s good enough for her.

 

they’re okay. they’re more than okay…

 

they’re happy.

 

\--------------

 

edgar does the ceremony, smiling widely as the other members of the farm cheer loudly while cheryl and toni share their first kiss as wives, and fangs hugs toni close and kevin presses a kiss to cheryl’s hair before both girls rush over to alice and polly to take the twins into their arms, cooing softly at the way they gurgle and scream with pleasure at everything that’s going on around them.

 

it’s a night of celebration. a night of dancing and drinking and happiness, and toni feels herself beginning to lose touch with reality, the world that exists outside this place, but it doesn’t matter.

 

because she stares down at the golden band on cheryl’s left finger, stares down at the one on her own, and all she cares about is staying right here in this moment for the rest of her life. 

 

when they get home that night and give nana rose her tablets before putting her to bed, they make love for _hours_ , bodies covered in sweat, but stuck together until the early hours of the morning, until cheryl’s reaching her sixth climax of the night with her hand tapping against the bed with these whimpers that have toni giggling against the skin of her inner thigh with exhaustion, her whole body still buzzing with her own set of six she received. 

 

cheryl wraps her arms around toni’s shoulders, kisses her fiercely and mumbles something about never letting her go.

 

and toni finds herself nodding in agreement, because now that she has her, she has no plans to do so.

 

they’re more than okay now.

 

they’re _married._

 

\--------------

 

“toni, please, you and cheryl have to stop going there, they’re messing with your minds, i can see it-.”

 

toni slams her locker door shut and glares at betty cooper with nothing but anger, and the girl has tears in her eyes as toni takes cheryl’s hand into her own and presses a kiss to the back of it, her eyes flitting down to the golden bands on their fingers in despair.

 

“it’s not real…god, none of it is real, toni, please…you’re the level headed one, you’re the one who can _see_ that they’re brainwashing you-.”

 

“i told you to stay away from cheryl. and you’re too close. so back the fuck off.” toni growls, huffing when betty whimpers before she squeezes cheryl’s hand and drags her down the hallway, cheryl happily floating along behind her with a less than all there smile on her face.

 

she’s thinking about what happens when they get to the farm. so is toni, to be honest, she’s itching for it, she just wants to go from now-

 

“none of it’s real, toni! your parents, jason…it’s all fake!” 

 

toni ignores her, and so does cheryl.

 

because none of it matters.

 

they’re more than okay now. 

 

they’re _perfect._


End file.
